I just read Homeschool Blindspots and it was very thought provoking. I think it should be entitled Parenting Blindspots because it is not just for homeschoolers. The whole thing is worth your time, but I wanted to pull out one section. Reb Bradley says that his 16 year old son started working at a new job and had some questionable co-workers. He talks about how they influenced his son. Later he realized why his son was seeking their approval.
As I was looking back on this experience several years later, something my son said shortly after he started his job kept coming back to me. When I picked him up the second night of work, he got in the car with a big smile on his face and said "They like me!" As I dwelt on that comment, it suddenly came clear to me - my son had finally met someone who liked him for who he was. Few others in his entire life had shown him much acceptance, especially not his mother and I. It is no exaggeration - in our efforts to shape and improve him, all we did was find fault with everything he did. We loved him dearly, but he constantly heard from us that what he did (who he was) wasn't good enough. He craved our approval, but we couldn't be pleased.